Bangkok, Sunday 24 July 2011

A relaxed Sunday with Keith: brunch at Café Tartine where Michele Rosich joined us. Keith ends up getting invited to join an activity of the American Women's Club tomorrow by Nina Rao, who is a board member and happens to be brunching at the same place with her husband, who partly grew up in Geneva, and her nephew from Nairobi. Keith and I then start piano hunting, with moderate success. It looms as though we may have to buy one in the end. The rentals all seem to be Corean or Chinese. In mid-afternoon we return home where pussy has been waitimg for us. Content, he now curls up on the sofa next to me. The heat gets a little to him: he tends to lay out on the floor. When we get home after a lovely dinner at Neil's Tavern, we ring Gill H. She sounds in good spirits and teases Keith about the AWC.
Tomorrow Thai classes and work start again. Keith will continue his piano hunt.
I still find it am ost unbelievable that we are both in Bangkok now, willing to start a new chapter in our joint life. For my part, I find the responsibility a little frightening: what happens if....? I have to learn to take things one day at a time and to trust my partner.

Bangkok

Is a new opportunity - a job offering, something I have been praying for to be able to get out of a life with too much work for too little pay, which obliges me to be in top-form all the time, and which has certainly contributed to my burn-out last year. The price: most likely having to leave the dogs behind (with whom and how?) and moving away from family, friends and church for two to three years. Maybe nowadays there is no certainty beyond that time-frame.
Is this really what I want to do at the age of 50? I am hesitant - torn between the comfort of friends and family, something I took blood, sweat and tears to build up; and the lure of new challenges and somewhat more comfort and security. Everyone around me is saying that this is a fantastic opportunity (I agree) and is encouraging me to accept the offer. Discernment also happens through listening to those around you - and as I was once told, following the path always comes with some pain.
Keith is loving the diversity and exotism of Bangkok - at least of what he has seen up to now. He is embracing the idea of change with enthousiasm - something that would have been unthinkable only a year ago. It would seem that miracles do indeed happen.

Wednesday 4 August 2010

A cool mid-summer morning; since I have not managed to journal properly, I will see whether blogging is easier with my current life-style. I am finding it very hard to get up in the mornings, making it difficult to do my daily offices, let alone take the time out to write and reflect. In the evenings, there is little space for me alone - the radio is on, Keith, the dogs and the cat want a piece of me, and then by 22:00 I am ready to fall into bed. Not much time or energy for reflection. But I know it is a vicious circle - the less I do, the more tired I get..... But I do usually come to the office or to a computer in the morning. So, writing - at least in the sense of stream of consciousness, if not in the terms of proper reflection and struggle, is possible at these times.
With the beautiful sunshine it is easy to see that I am blessed: I have work, even interesting work albeit almost too much; I have good and trusted friends; I have a husband who certainly is very fond of me and loves me in the only way he knows how; a house, a garden, etc. I have faith. Part of my challenge is to remember to consciously look for God in my everyday life. It is so easy for me to get sucked into life and to forget the essentials; it is also easy to loose perspective that way.
So, I look out of my office window and see the Jura, one of the oldest mountain formations in Europe, and marvel. They have been there since time immemorial, and they will be there long after I am gone. It is in marveling in them that I can wonder at God's majesty and power.